Helping Children Through A Divorce
Divorce is a difficult thing deal with for everyone involved. The process can take a physical and emotional toll on you, your spouse and particularly your children. As this difficult situation unfolds, it is essential that they have the help and support that they need from both spouses. It is your number 1# priority to make sure they realize that they are not to be blamed for the divorce and that both you and your spouse love them deeply.
Most parents forget how their kids feel and worry about making the other suffer the most during the divorce process.
Make a conscious effort to set aside any bitterness. Spouses must try their best to hammer out an agreement that works for both of them and their children. Handling things this way is less difficult and painful than letting the courts make the decision.
Work with your spouse to assist your children emotionally. Doing so is the only thing you can do to aid them in getting through this difficult time in their lives. Even if the other parent does not uphold his commitment to assist the child responsibly, continue to keep your end of the bargain and aid your child as much as possible.
Avoid hiding the divorce. Once the decision is made, you must tell them and let them know what to expect. Do your best to let them know ahead of time, before one parent moves elsewhere, as this permits the children to come to terms with the situation and ask any questions. Assure the children that you and your spouse will both be there for them, and things will not change in that respect.
Avoid placing blame. Avoid making disparaging remarks about the other parent. It is critical that children understand that both parents are still going to care for them reliably. Help them understand that you and your spouse reached this decision together and that you did all you could to prevent this from happening.
It is also critical that the parents provide their children with truthful information, while at the same time not provide them with more information than necessary. You want to avoid making them worry or fret about any more issues than necessary. It will take some time before they feel okay with the new state of affairs, so give them time to get used to it. Help your children understand that any reconciliation efforts on their part will be futile. Let them know that they can do nothing to change the situation.
In addition, let them know where and with whom they will live. Also assure them that they can see the other parent whenever they need to. Let them know that changes may occur at some later date, but their relationship will not be affected. Let them ask any questions that may be on their minds.